Falling in love is a really strange phenomenon. I figured I might as well write about it now since I’ve never written about it when it’s potentially happening, only after it happens or way before I have any semblance of love for the person other than physical attraction.
I’m pretty sure falling in love is different depending on who you are. For some people I imagine it’s pretty boring, like driving a car. You’re sort of driving down the road enjoying the sights, hitting green lights sometimes and it’s all good, you know? And sometimes you hit red lights and you’re like hmm, do I really like this person? And then you go again and eventually you reach your destination in this manner and you either decide to date them or you just shrug and go back home.
For me, it’s like walking towards the edge of a cliff. I hate it, I really do. I’m starting to think I like this person so I start heading towards this cliff and I don’t know what’s down there till I jump and look down. Eventually I’ll ask the question, “do you want to go out?” and I’ll jump and then of course there are either fluffy pillows at the bottom or big sharp spikes. It’s always 50/50 for me, black and white. Either she likes me or she doesn’t, I won’t settle for anything in between! And stopping and turning around away from the cliff is obviously out of the question ’cause I’m too fucking curious.
It’s not all bad though, I mean sometimes it’s just weird. You have to understand that falling in love occurs even before you actually feel those “lovey” emotions for someone. It’s characterized by some events that might seem normal for some but have been completely foreign to me for a long time now. Like feeling strangely happy when the person you may be falling in love with enters the room. Not because she’s unbearably hot, or is carrying pizza with her, or whatever, but just because she’s THERE. ‘Cause you know she’s someone who listens to you and maybe even understands you or at least tries to. Or maybe you find yourself not needing to be with her all the time necessarily, but just wanting to follow her around, and then having to stop yourself ’cause you’re afraid she’ll find you annoying or think you’re creepy or something. It could also be that you wish she would just playfully shove you sometimes. Not because it’s like something sexual or anything, just because you like it when she interacts with you on a physical level, because it’s personal. Finally, and the event I seem to experience most often when I might be falling in love, is thinking “why did I do that?” Why did I say that strange thing to her? Why do I keep acting so stupid around her? And why in God’s name does she think it’s FUNNY?! That’s called “being yourself” and is probably the most obvious indicator that you are, indeed, falling in love.
So, I never clearly stated that I was, in fact, falling in love. To be honest, I’m not sure if I am. I’m experiencing like… all of the symptoms, but too many times I’ve been let down because girls just don’t think the same way that guys do. For all I know, I could just be a fun, but temporary pastime. Oh well. If nothing really good comes of all this, I can at least say I may, in fact, still be capable of loving someone.