I Don’t Exist

Forever Yours

I don’t exist. I’m like a ninja by accident. Even in my own home, it’s crazy… I can walk around the whole house 5 times and not one of the 6 other people here will say a word to me, and I won’t say a word to them either. Why? Well I already told you… I’m a ninja, that’s just who I am. It’s not who I want to be though.
Outside of my home it’s quite the same way in the virtual society that tends to be my main source of contact with everyone else (it’s hard to get out when you’re constantly monitored by silent Watchers and don’t have a car). I try to make contact occasionally, to no avail. At that point I’ll fall off of the map completely, and notice, with some disdain, how NOW I seem to be a source of interest. Now that I’m not there anymore. Now that I’m a NINJA.
It’s a vicious cycle though, really. When I do speak I’m rarely really listened to, and when I don’t I am, but I don’t care. ‘Cause it doesn’t mean anything, you know? NOW you want to talk? Why NOW? Because I’m somehow useful to you NOW? The saddest thing, though, is that I’m the only one I can blame for this situation. I don’t exist, I’m a ninja. If I weren’t that way, things wouldn’t be the way they are. It’s not something I can change though, it’s me…
I guess I’ve deluded myself. They always say “fake it till you make it” and for a while, I was faking it, and I’ll be honest, all things considered I was doing a great job! It always comes around to bite me though, and I realize in the end that, yes, I am alone, and that is the way it is. Again, I can’t blame anyone but myself for this, but boy, do I wish it weren’t so… I do wish… I wish it every night. I wish that I could change, be better, be more like someone else, be less like someone else, be able to truly believe in God, be able to understand why I’m here. Nothing changes, no one answers. I speak; my words float away. Someday, I will too, and that day can’t come soon enough.

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The Infinity of Space

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The Infinity of Space

Most of us spend our

Whole lives

Searching,

Wandering aimlessly through

The infinity of space.

But not I.

Somewhere out amongst

The stars, she is

Waiting

Smiling softly, chuckling when

I catch the wrong orbit.

I find her by chance in

The rings of Jupiter,

Reaching

For my hand, which I grasp

Tightly in my own.

I say softly into her ear

“I will never let go, my

Love

For no star shines

As beautifully as you do.”

But inevitably we are both

Pulled apart by separate

Orbits

By Gravity, by black holes

Consuming the last rays of light.

As her warmth leaves me

I whisper

“Goodbye.”

And she floats away, her tears suspended in

The infinity of space.